From Italy to the UK: Valentina
The language. The driving. The tiramisu recipe.
When Valentina turned 30, she moved from her home in Genoa, Italy to London. She and her fiancé (now husband) had been working in the insurance industry in Italy for awhile and decided that it was time to do something different. They planned to move to London and spend two years there. Twenty-three years and 3 children later, they’re still living in the UK.
Why did she leave Italy, a country so many people would love to live in?
Why did she choose London?
And after 23 years, which country does she feel more connected to?
This is her story of leaving home and finding home.
Did you look at other countries in Europe? Or was London the only place you wanted to go?
It was time to move jobs and the alternative would have been to move to Milan or to perhaps another city in Northern Italy. Which could have been still a move, but not as big and as exciting. And as we'd been living in a city by the sea, which is lovely, we never really liked moving to Milan or places like that. We felt that rather than Milan, why not London?
London was very attractive for many reasons. We knew people there. We thought we’ll improve our English and there'll be other experiences that we could have there. We had worked with people that were in insurance and we felt that it would be a great experience just to spend a couple of years there. I thought we would move for two years and then we would evaluate eventually.
But there's never been a strong enough reason to go back. We are theoretically a two hour flight from home. It's a much longer journey by car and much more complicated. But it's not a bad place and we're sort of close enough. We weren’t moving to a remote place where people wouldn't come and visit. We moved to a very exciting town that people like to visit. So what we missed with our friends and family not being here, we actually had a lot of guests, especially the first few years and we keep having some guests. London is still very attractive.
You were already using English in your work, so was the language an issue when you moved to the UK?
Was it easy to make friends?
It was easy and knowing people from all over the world is probably the best part. London attracts very much everybody and it was a good side that we really appreciated.
Of course we started catching up with Italians, hanging out with the Italians that had already moved. We knew people from Genoa that had moved before us. And they could give us advice on all various aspects. And from then we started meeting others—when my kids started going to school and from work. We started meeting people. And it creates a special community.
At times we felt we were like in a sitcom or in a movie like Friends. Because your friends become your closer friends. Sort of a family. And especially during the COVID years—that was amazing, how much closer we became. It's actually a very nice thing. You don't have your close family, but you become very close to lovely people that have had the same experience and the same history as you, even if they came from different countries.
How often do you go back to visit friends and family?
Very often. It's a quick flight. Also, we drive a couple of times a year in the summer. It's a longer drive. But we go quite often. We try to visit at least four times a year. We go skiing in Italy. We try to be by the sea for a few days in the summer. And if there are important family events, then we try not to miss them, although it's complicated. And there's five of us, so it's expensive too.
What do you think was the most difficult adjustment for you? And what was the easiest thing to get used to?
It was perhaps difficult, and it still is, to embrace completely the culture here. For example, I'm not a big drinker. I know it sounds silly, but I don't like alcohol that much. So for me, going out to the pub and that side of the social life—I still find it quite hard.
It's easier to open a bank account. Or rent a place. Or to even to start a business in the UK. A lot of that side is a lot easier than Italy. I've enjoyed that. And I've enjoyed the efficiency that there is here. How everything works quite well.
It's been great on the work side, too. I thought it would have been harder. I've changed jobs a few times and I've really enjoyed that. I still talk to younger people and members of my family about moving to London to work, because that was the best part, for sure.
You have to bear in mind if you come from Europe or from Italy especially, it's really different. Meaning that in Italy it's very hard to find a job and people would traditionally keep a job forever because it's very hard then to find another one. And also in London, once you are doing well in your job, there is meritocracy and your efforts are rewarded. If you want to go at 100 miles an hour, you will be rewarded for it. And if you don't, I think you have quite an enjoyable working life and in general, your progress is rewarded, regardless of your age or how long you've spent in a company, which is very different from the Italian working environment that I've known.
What do you miss about Italy?
Is there anything that you know now that you wish you had known back when you were 30 and thinking about moving?
I would have probably moved earlier. I would have probably moved in my 20s or even tried to study here. Because I can see it's been fantastic. We sort of started our career here relatively late—we were relatively old.
But there is so much that you can gain and you can learn from moving abroad and in general, having this kind of experience. Being abroad gives you an open mind and a way for learning and makes you more tolerant and more open to other cultures. I would definitely have done it sooner than I did and I'm grateful still for the people that advised me to come at the time. And I still do it again, of course.
The fact that we were together also made us a lot stronger as a couple, as a family. I think it has so much positive—and of course, you have to take the positive in everything you do.
The debate we have with most of my Italian friends here is always like, Shall we go back? What do we do here? But the trick is really making the most of where you are and the experience that this is giving you, because otherwise you will never be that happy. If we go back, we'll miss London. And if we're staying here, we'll still miss Italy.
What would be your biggest tip or advice that you would give to someone thinking of moving abroad in general or moving to the UK in particular?
My tip would be not to think that the move is permanent. In a sense, the fact that we were having a two year horizon kept us flexible and kept us less constrained by the decision. The anxiety of the decision can be quite heavy. It seems that it needs to be for life, but not at all. It can be for a few years. And yes, moving houses is hard, but it can be done.
Also, think laterally or more in the bigger picture about people that have done it more than you or farther away or for longer or in more difficult circumstances. There are always ways to do it and people actually survive.
And don’t be too torn or sad when you miss home. Because there are ways to go back.
Of course you know you can't replicate the life you would have in your original country. But just make the most of what you have in the country you go to, without being focused too much on what you're missing.
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Got a question about Valentina’s experience, moving to the UK, or moving abroad in general? Join the conversation in the comments 👇🏼.
WE ALSO TALKED ABOUT:
Whether she and her husband considered moving back to Italy when they had children. And why they didn’t move closer to friends and family.
What language her family speaks at home and why she thinks her kids are lucky to have the influence of both cultures in their lives.
Why she became a British citizen and what the citizenship application process looked like.
How she balances being Italian and British. And whether she feels any tension between those two parts of her life.
Her experience learning to drive on the other side of the car and the other side of the road.
How her tiramisu recipe (that no Italian would ever publish it in Italy because everyone knows how to make it) came to be published in a book you can probably buy in your local bookshop.
After 23 years in London, does she feel more connected to Italy or the UK?
Is moving to a different country something that interests her?
Does she imagine moving back to Italy at some point in the future?
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"If we go back, we'll miss London. And if we're staying here, we'll still miss Italy." la legge del contrappasso of every Italian migrant! Great answers, thanks for the interview :)
100% agree with how easy it is to open a bank account in the UK!! I still have mine open, and I barely recall going to the bank!