From NYC to Singapore: This is Jessica's story.
Also: Why a bottle of "Everything But the Bagel" seasoning will get you a private interview in the Drug Drug Crime section of the Central Narcotics Bureau.
In 2019, Jess moved from NYC to Singapore for work. She was taking on a new role in her company and that position was in their Singapore office. It was originally supposed to be a 2 year situation, but she’s now been there for six.
Does Singapore feels like “home”? We’ll find out.
When did you start thinking that maybe living in another country was something that you wanted to do?
I lived in New York for about 16 years, and I've been with mostly the same company for work for a lot of those years. I'd say every 5 or 6 years or so I kind of took on a new role within the company (and I love that about the company–that you could kind of reinvent yourself, learn new skills). Once I kind of felt like I had done what I was interested in doing in New York, that's when I started thinking about other opportunities.
I initially started thinking about London. Probably because it’s a little closer to home, it's a little bit more familiar. But the idea came about through the appraisal process at work and through personally thinking, What do I want for myself? And I started thinking, Whenever you leave New York, it has to be abroad.
How did the position with your company in Singapore come up?
There was a role in Singapore that I applied for and I didn't get it initially. And then about a year later, a different position opened up in the same office. Not quite as senior, but would be a good jumping off point to get to know the region a little bit better.
So when you got the job in Singapore, were you excited? Nervous? Freaking out?
I think it was September/October that I got it because I took a sort of scouting trip in November. I was lucky enough that my manager at the time was like, “Go out there and make sure you like the people, they like you, and that it's a good fit.”
And so I came out for a visit in November. For a couple of weeks I stayed in an AirBnB, just to make sure. What does it feel like to live here and go for a walk, go to a grocery store, go see what people do on the weekends, go into the office every day, and just see if I like the atmosphere. And that went really well. So I was really excited to go.
I had this weird moment though about halfway through the scouting trip. I remember I was in the AirBnB after a day of work and I called my mom crying. And I was like, “Am I f*@%ing up my life by moving out here?” I don't know what happened–just the doubt crept in. And thankfully, my mom was supportive and wasn't like “No, it's terrible. Come back home and be closer to us.”
Sometimes that happens. Even when I was on Sabbatical, I had that moment in one of the places I was traveling when I had been gone for like a month or a month and a half. Sometimes the homesickness creeps in. And I've learned that you just have to lean into it.
What did you do with your apartment when you left? And what did you do with your stuff?
I left New York on a secondment, so I was a borrowed employee of the New York office to Singapore. And that was a 2 year contract.
I was a renter, so I don't think I had to cancel my lease. I think it actually worked out nicely that it sort of lined up. And then I was like, “I'll only be gone 2 years,” so I put all my stuff in a storage unit. Six years later, it's still in the storage unit.
I packed up 2 suitcases. I had my mom bring me a third suitcase a few weeks later. And I had the company ship over maybe 10 boxes, including stuff for my dog who came with me.
What about your dog? Was it easy to get him to Singapore? Was there ever a thought that you wouldn't bring him?
No, that was never a thought. I was not going to go if he couldn't come. A lot of people asked me that: Are you bringing your dog? And my initial reaction was: Would you move without your child? Your dog is a family member. That's what I think. So no, I probably would have backed out if my dog couldn't come.
Getting him there was not easy. I did most of it myself. There are companies that can do it all for you, help you through the process, but they cost a lot of money. And even when I was pricing out the cost of him to go cargo, it was more than my business class ticket. So I was like, that seems crazy.
I was worried about him. I heard all the horror stories about the underneath of the plane. So I figured it out. I went through the step by step process—Singapore is great at laying out everything you need to do on their webpages—and as long as you follow the process, you'll get it through. So I got everything done.
He had to have extra shots and tests because the US has rabies. Singapore is an island that doesn't have rabies. They're very careful about controlling what comes into Singapore, so they don't have rabies or any infectious diseases. I had to book a quarantine for him. He had to stay at an offsite facility for 2 weeks just to make sure he didn't have anything.
How did you make friends? Have you found your people?
Yeah. I think I definitely have found my people. You'd be surprised that you tell people in your world that you're moving somewhere and suddenly everybody has a friend or a relative or a friend of a friend who lives in Singapore and they want to connect to you.
In the beginning I just said yes to everything. And then quickly, you figure out what you're interested in or things that I won't be saying yes to again. Or sometimes, you have a friend of a friend who then becomes your close friend. So I think about just not closing the doors.
In the beginning, I think it's important just to get out there and just do…whatever. And then slowly, you’ll kind of infiltrate a group of friends and they become your friends. And then suddenly, you're in the middle of the cycle, where you're one of the longest standing members in the friend group.
I think you just have to be open to things, even if they're not your speed.
What was the easiest thing about moving from NYC to Singapore?
It sounds kind of silly, but the act of physically moving. My company helped hire movers to put my stuff in storage.
I literally woke up in the morning. They were there, and within 2 hours (you know NYC movers), you're in an empty box. And you just kind of look around and you're like, What just happened? It was shocking how quickly your life could just be put in boxes. You're just like, Where's my life? Where is everything?
And then I didn't know what to do, because it only took 2 hours. I went into the office and my boss at the time was like, “What are you doing? Why are you here?” I was like, “I don't know what to do. I have nowhere to go.” “Go home.” I was like, “To where?” So it was just weird. The physical part of moving. When you have movers hired, it just was so quick.
What was the hardest thing about moving?
I think the hardest thing is just missing all the family stuff. My sister has 2 young kids. I'm really close with the oldest one because we lived in the same city for a long time. I don't really know my younger niece quite as well. You can't just hop on a plane for somebody's birthday. Or if somebody's having a tough day, “I'll come at the weekend and help you out.” Or whatever.
Also, there’s this feeling that if you leave here, you don't fit anywhere. Everybody's lives in the US have gone on. Yours has gone on, too, but they’ve all gone on in different directions. So it’s like being in this weird limbo.
I think about if I went back, I don't fit anywhere anymore. Like I've outgrown certain places or they've outgrown me or outpaced me or whatever. Anytime you think about leaving or moving somewhere else, you almost have to start new, because to go back to something? You don't fit anymore.
I still haven't figured out how to deal with it, but just getting your head around that, I think, is hard. That's probably the hardest thing.
If you could go back to the before times, would you do everything the same? Is there anything you would do differently? What advice would you give yourself?
I think I came into it with an open mind, so I don't know that I would change that much. Maybe have a few less breakdowns. Tell myself: you're doing the right thing, it'll all work out. But I think eventually, in my head, I kind of already knew that. It's just part of processing big change. I don't think I would change anything about how I did any of it, because I learned so much along the way. If I changed anything, I might not have learned quite as much.
Any advice for someone considering moving abroad?
I would definitely encourage anybody to do it. If you're just thinking about it, even at all.
I think not only was it good for me professionally–I worked hard for it, but I got a promotion out of it. But personally, I’ve grown.
You learn a new set of skills. You learn that the world you grew up in is not the only world that's out there. I think it makes you a better world citizen. You travel with a different lens now and with a better understanding of how other people live. I appreciate that I'm living in a very rich country, but I still think you're learning how different people live. And you're still learning different cultures. And how people treat each other and view the rest of the world.
So I think for me personally and professionally, I'm only sad that I didn't do it earlier because I think that I could have. I wish that I had started earlier.
Do you think there's anything about you and your personality and your attitude that makes you successful as an expat?
I don't know. I feel like I try to talk to a lot of people and find out things about people and just learn about them.
And I'm willing to try anything food-wise. Singapore is very focused on food. People here don't ask how you are. They're like, “Have you had your lunch yet?” I love that. And then you talk about what you had for lunch.
So I think just being open to trying new things. I think you have to be outgoing. Because I think it's easy to be here and or to be abroad, and just kind of be a hermit. You'll have a totally different experience if you just stay within your comfort zone. If you're moving abroad, I would assume you're doing it because you want to shake things up, you want to meet new people, you want to do new stuff. And so you just have to feel a little uncomfortable.
Also: Why a bottle of "Everything But the Bagel" seasoning will get you a private interview in the Drug Drug Crime section of the Singapore Central Narcotics Bureau.
If you found this valuable, consider RESTACKING this post so more people can see it.
WHAT ELSE?
Jessica and I talked about a lot of other things, including:
What she brought with her to Singapore in those 2 suitcases. And what she had shipped in those 10 boxes. Including the things she brought that she didn’t need. And why she didn’t bring some things that she could have and would have used.
The 4 things she misses from the US and the one shocking thing she can’t find.
The biggest thing that stressed her out about bringing her dog to Singapore. And what the transition to a new climate and country was like for him.
What her first month in Singapore was like: finding an apartment, finding a routine, and why she needed her mom.
The 2 times that homesickness hits her the most.
What’s it like to date in a new country? How similar or different it is to dating in NYC.
The reality of her day-to-day in Singapore vs. how she imagined her life in Singapore before moving. Is it completely different from her life in NYC? Or surprisingly the same?
And whether, after 6 years in Singapore, it feels like “home.”
Paid subscribers can access the entire conversation 👇🏼 by clicking play on the video below.
Or listen to the podcast on Substack or on Spotify
If you want to listen on Spotify, you’ll need to do this first: ❶ go into your Substack profile (click on your picture up on the top right of the screen), ❷ click “Manage Subscriptions,” ❸ click the “Set Up Podcast” button, ❹ then click the “Listen on Spotify” button and ❺ link your profile as a paid subscriber to the podcast on Spotify. You should only have to do this once.
