The Best Move Abroad Advice
From 20 weeks of conversations with people who've done it.
It’s been 20 weeks of The Expat Diaries, which means it’s a good time to reflect.
I’ve pulled together a few of my favorite bits of advice that have been offered in the conversations I’ve had in the past few months.
From how to decide where to live.
To how to make friends.
To how to adjust to a new culture and identity.
To what they’d say to their pre-moving self if they could go back in time.
Some of it is practical.
Some of it is inspirational.
All of it is true, lived, honest.
And if you find yourself nodding along thinking, Me too! This is totally me! Make sure you’re subscribed and then join the conversation in the comments.
Betina: London, Paris, Barcelona
Alison: Portugal
I would say, if you’re going to a country that speaks a language that is not your language, start learning the language as soon as possible. That would be my number one tip: try and try and start learning as soon as you make a decision to go somewhere. Find your people as well when you get there. Look for people that you click with, rather than just the people that speak your language.
Other than that, I think: go. Go for it, you know. A lot of people have said to me: oh, you were so brave to go there on your own. I don't feel anything brave about it really. You know, whatever you're handed in life you get on with, don't you? I don't know that that makes you brave. You just get on with it. Just go and be open to whatever life throws at you
Valentina: UK
My tip would be not to think that the move is permanent. In a sense, the fact that we were having a two year horizon kept us flexible and kept us less constrained by the decision. The anxiety of the decision can be quite heavy. It seems that it needs to be for life, but not at all. It can be for a few years. And yes, moving houses is hard, but it can be done.
And don’t be too torn or sad when you miss home. Because there are ways to go back. Of course you know you can't replicate the life you would have in your original country. But just make the most of what you have in the country you go to, without being focused too much on what you're missing.
Lisa-Marie: US, Bahamas, Scotland, Italy.
Make sure you've got your finances and your banking sorted out. If your money is in America, you've got to have a way to get your hands on that money. Make sure you get a travel credit card or some kind of credit card that gives you the kind of benefits that you want, that has no international transaction fees, and that gives you a good exchange rate. Make sure you have a way to get international wires. They're very difficult and very expensive. Make sure you've got your money sorted. You know where it's coming from and you know how you're gonna get it.
Jessica: Singapore
In the beginning I just said yes to everything. And then quickly, you figure out what you're interested in or things that I won't be saying yes to again. Or sometimes, you have a friend of a friend who then becomes your close friend. So I think about just not closing the doors.
Asia Dawn: Mexico, Italy
Sarah: Italy, UK
Put yourself out there. You can't wait for people to come to you. What are you interested in? Go and start doing these activities where you could meet people who are like minded, who have similar interests. You really have to get out there. And so that's what I liked to do. So I was meeting new people because I was making an effort to like, explore and try new things. I met people at language exchanges, at aperitivo events that were held by different Italian organizations. Depending on where you live, there's lots of opportunities to try new things. So I met and made friends pretty quickly, because I checked out all these different things.
Sarah: Italy, The Netherlands
I would say the first thing is: Look at whether you're even allowed to move there, whether it's feasible. Because you can't always get a visa and certainly you can't always get a visa to work or to live permanently. So, that would be my first advice before anything else. See if you actually can move there.
As someone who's lived abroad for a long time, I think I would also say: Expect to expect the unexpected and expect that it will change you. The people that I know who are happiest abroad, especially long term, are people who don't try to recreate their old life in a new country—they’re kind of the most open to letting the place change them, to doing things in a different way, to thinking in a different way, to giving up beliefs.
There are so many ways to live and your life can get so much bigger and so much more beautiful when you let in those unexpected things.
Peter: South Korea, Vietnam
Celia + Jim: Portugal
I guess a lot of my advice would be: learn what steps you need to take before you get here. Even renting an apartment. We had to have a NIF number to rent an apartment. But we didn't. All those things? You just need to have a better understanding. We really sort of flew here by the seat of our pants. We landed and said, “Okay let's rent an apartment and let's go to dinner and let's buy a car and let's…”
If we had known that stuff we would have had fewer frustrating nights, worrying about whether this is going to be done in time. So the research, I think, is probably the number one thing I’d tell myself to do.
Kelly: Portugal
Visit and try to stay for a little while. I think coming and staying for a little while can give you some peace of mind about making the right decision. Just come to a place and see how you feel there. See if you like it. It might not be for you. You might need to visit a few different places. And know that it's not going to feel like a holiday when you come here and you start working. It's still an amazing place and you can go to the beach on the weekends. But it's not going to be like being on holiday all the time.
I think another thing would just be to try to find people who live here and talk to them or listen to podcasts like this. Hear about people's experiences—the good, the bad, everything in between—just so you can have as many data points as possible to know what you're getting into.
And have a really good reason why you want to move. And not to be running away from something, but to be sort of running towards something. I think you'll end up more satisfied if that's the case. Have a really solid reason. Like: OK, I really want to live in a warmer place. Or, I want a slower pace of life. Or whatever that may be. That would be my advice.
Arielle: Germany, Switzerland
Dan: New Zealand
I think, you know, nowhere's going to be perfect. There's been some chatter about this idea that Europe can save you or fix you or whatever. Like, it will change your life. It will absolutely change your life. But in ways that you don't fully understand or fully contemplate.
And your relationship to the place, it's kind of a cheesy analogy, but these are relationships. You’re in this country, there are complicated things and there will be good days and bad days and you get through the honeymoon and you just sort of sink into it, deeper and deeper. Some things will never fit. And some things change you and make you fit that way. It's a tremendous sort of openness. And it just strips you clean and you see life in a different way because your context has been pulled away and you're out in it.
What I feel uncomfortable with sometimes in the discourse right now is this sense of, “You will improve yourself by moving abroad. You will find the solution by moving abroad.” Yes, those may be true, but it's this radical openness. It's a radical change and it's a complicated one. And part of that move is just jumping into the snowstorm and being like, I don't know. I just don't know.
I guess the short version is just like, when doors open, you go through, you have no idea how deep it is. The depth is the attraction. The depth is why you do it. That's why you signed up for it. You can't control the depth. That's the point. You jump off the cliff into the deep pool and just start swimming. It’s a mix of doing your homework and being really practical and also like having some deep conversations with your own heart.
Shane: Spain, Germany, Portugal
In the beginning, do everything in the exploration phase with as little planning as possible. Fly by the seat of your pants. Be open and explore everything to see where you want to maybe stay for a while. And then take the time to really walk around and explore. So those things first.
Then, if you really want to move, then I'd say go all in on paying everybody (that you can afford to) to do things for you. Find people that are already there, that know what they're doing. Because you don't know what you don't know. And when you're moving to another country, and you miss out on something in immigration or relocation, it can be a total bummer. You can really make things way more inconvenient and you’re typically losing time and money. There’s so many nuances to it. And it’s easy to say, Well I can do this. And even me, this is country number nine. And it doesn’t matter how many times you do it. Because Portugal does it differently than everywhere else.
Jacqueline: Portugal
Start packing your things. Mark those boxes well. Get rid of all the stuff you don't need. Throw those things away. Toss it, donate it. You're not going to use all that paint and you can't take it with you. Find the things that are meaningful and either take them or give them to people that will appreciate them. The things that are important—objects and material goods that matter to you? Start paying attention, Jackie, because this is a one-way trip.
And don't be afraid. Let go of the fear. Everything's going to be all right. Portugal is not that far away. You’re not flying to the moon. Don't be afraid. It's not that big a deal. Relax and be adventurous. I would tell myself that. Be proud. Be excited. And learn Portuguese. Practice your Portuguese now.
Kristen: UK, UAE, Malaysia, Bali
Before moving to London, I would have told myself to be more flexible than I was at the time. I expected everything to fit into the way things happened here and they didn't because it's a different culture and it's different people and different timescales and different things. I’d tell myself to be more aware that that was going to be happening and to be more flexible about it. And I think too, for every country: recognize that it's going to take longer than you think it's going to take. Be prepared for it to take longer than you think.
Brian: Mexico
Learn the language. Open yourself up to a different culture.
I think that because we were helping out a particular segment of the population, we weren’t seen as outsiders. We were part of this community. There aren't really soup kitchens here, but I know a couple of guys that are helping the migrants that are coming up from Central America. When you plug into things like that, you become part of the community. And so I think that's important. I think that's important wherever you live to try and do that.
Sophie: New Zealand
Got a question about moving abroad? Did something in this post resonate with you?
Join in the conversation in the comments. Ask questions, share experiences, get ideas, get inspired, get clarity.
Because leaving home is hard. Talking to people who've done it makes it feel less overwhelming. And more fun.
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Just sent this to my sister who wants to move to Mexico. Great info!
This would have been so helpful all those years ago 😅